The delivery was perfect, but my little man needed time in the NICU after birth to be in the best of health to be sent home. We spent 10 days at the hospital. When I planned my stay I allotted for two days in the hospital, so 10 days with an infant in the NICU was a very big deal. I stayed at the hospital the entire time. I visited every 3 hours for feedings and stayed with him for an hour during my visits. 12, 3, 6, and 9 were numbers I became well acquainted with during that time. I spoke with doctors and nurses and visited with other mommies and their babies and enjoyed taking a peek at the new babies that surrounded me.
You were his precious little neighbor. So small but your story was grand. I remember talking with the other NICU moms and seeing your progression through photos. It was beautiful to glance in on you while I visited Noah. So small all, 4 months of you. The Family Room celebrated your monthly milestones; I got to share them through stories. Sometimes you would fuss and cry and a nurse would check in on you, comfort you, and visit for a while. You would get so upset and your whole body would flush! You made sure you were heard.
I still get choked up thinking about you. Who wouldn't? I cry as I type this because your mother's cries still ring in my ears. I never met her and when I finally could have had a chance of meeting her, you became very ill and they closed you in a room with her by your side. You were on the schedule to go home several times, but your health gave in right before each departure and the hospital had to keep you for a bit longer.
You grandparents and other family members came to say good bye. As I visited with Noah, I would say a tiny prayer for you. How can someone so young and fought so hard to live leave us so early?
The day you passed was the longest and emotional day during our stay at the hospital. I held my son and thanked God that He was giving me an extra day with him. I prayed that God would bless my son with outstanding health, and I prayed that your mother would heal from the loss of her very first child. No mother should have to deal with the loss of a child and your passing stirred the inner fears of all us whose children were in NICU.
I want to thank you. Thank you for reminding me to cherish every moment. Thank you for reminding me to take a moment and even watch my little ones sleep. I watch my boys and soak in every detail of their being. I try to take pictures in my mind and file that memory so I can visit it later. Noah is nine months and I stayed home this entire time with him. I think a large portion of my decision has to do with you. I was determine to start my career, but after you taught me how precious life is I decided to enjoy Noah's first year of life. Thank you for reminding me what is important in life.
One more thing, I absolutely did not forget you. I want to wish you a happy belated birthday.
Beautiful and meaningful memory!!!
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